Nobody is anybody's.
Each has their own life.
No dependency or responsibility.
We each has our choices.
To make.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Screwed life.
Insanity.



Hate singapore.



I wanna getaway. anyone? 

 

It has been so long since i started typing again. Just feel like talking.
Have met up with softballers, s25, 4o8 girls..
Many happened naturally.
A dramatic twist in life with my attachment.
Been asked by many.
Well, shrugs. Im just wandering to search for an answer.
To love or to be loved?
No worries, i do love him.
 
What to do when feelings overlap? When that soft spot is touched and revived? 
When memories and feelings doesnt fade.
And tears aint dried up.
 
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眺望未来，遗忘过去，抓紧现在。
实际。
现实的社会把诚实当傻瓜。
把坐以待毙定死刑。
没时间了。
可望突破，不要再挥霍它了。
但，如何？

----------------------------------------------------------------------

一秒的错过，一身的遗憾？
因不能拥有而叹，为何不因有而惜呢？
人，知足。　
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I just hope we arent related. It's tiring. Much said, i'll just choose to ignore. It doesnt matter since you dun even respect. Rebellious.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope i find a job and lead my own happy life. take things in stride.
Push harder Angela.
Stop slacking.

妈：慧仪，你看着我的手。
我：？
妈：手指长短都不一样，没有一个人是完美的。你明白吗？
我：．．．


妈妈的话让我惊讶了一下，顿时的我变得无语。
好久没有那种突然被敲醒的感觉。

不值得。

我想我好像懂了。

thanks mum. 



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linser: What is not fair? (refering to my msn nick)
me: hard to say here.
linser: Anyway, just wanna tell you life isnt fair.
         Look at your fingers, they aren't of equal length, life ain't fair right from the start.
me: !!!!!!!!

**i called linser to tell him why



How coincidental things can get? I heard 2 exact same analogy in a day!
I had a really good look at my fingers.
Im definitely certain they're of different length..


wow. im yet to recover from the shockness..
 

Tomorrow going SIM to play internal NETBALL. EXCITEDD. WOOTS!! 300 bucks for winner yo yo yo. haha. BEST OF LUCK TO MY TEAM!!
(in case you wonder why, i've got 2 friends inside who short of one to form a team so yea. i sneakeddd in to play. cool right? ha. it's mixed netball, 4 on 4. =D )

Went sakae with 6 other classmates today. had fun. quite a bit of laugh too. (: though as always hungry in, bloated outt.. =/ 
(Total: 105 plates)

really wish all balls shoot by me is magnetised and just attract to the hoop naturally tmr man. please please please.!

getting real fat. perhaps should go slimming centre la. exercise really difficult. ha. excuse for being lazy and lack of determination. tsk tsk. sounds so vain huh. aiya. simply love eating.

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Of couse many happened, for now, forget them. My memory space is full, my eyes are dehydrated, my heart is frozen.

==========================================================

Things to be happy with are i received messages here and there, once a while, from her and her, him and him, asking "hey angela, how're you?! i miss you!! :)" 

how sweet can that be? it's thatttttttttttttt sweet. <3

Where is the love? 

Those are my loves. (: 

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When you can't find an ans after trying so hard, forget it.

Memorise it and next please.

You'll learn to tackle it from there.

 

今天知道朋友刚与交往2年的女友分手，只觉得惋惜。
依赖了2年的他/她已正式的不属于彼此，美好与否的记忆又真的能保储多久..
 

3年了，认识曾是陌生人的你已3年了。 
我曾说不看好这段友谊，两个各体的我们，友谊将在毕业后告个段落。 
但偏偏谁会料到竟然会在那么..那么无奈又折磨人的情况下再次延续这段友谊..
哈..真觉得可笑，也真的不得不感叹令人捉摸不透的命运.. 
虽然不想看见任何人背负着重读的一切切， 
但有你一起面对这一切的确让我更有勇气与毅力的重新再试一次。
今年你我的情绪都一直起伏不定，都不断的在排斥、无奈中继续。 
逃离、逃脱，不曾离开我们的脑袋。而在六月时，我的判决已成定刑。
而你，却一直在暗自期盼，期盼着那封入取信的到来。
身为你的好友，我能感同身受也能理解，所以我不曾挽留，只是尊重你的决定。
但好多次你在兴奋的向往到哪后的生活时是否有体会到我的心情，知道我真的好难受..
一起并肩作战的队友突然消失了，只剩下一个人面对考验。 
是我不够历练、不够独立、不够坚强。
我从始至终就一直警惕自己不要依赖你，一旦依赖，要放手时就会很痛很痛..
但我却偏偏就是陷下去..
现在，你离别的日子已到了倒数阶段，而我们怎么了..
不再说话、不再直视、不再慰问、不再打闹，不..不在乎？
难道真的要以这样的道别方式收场？

这次，我不想体恤你，不想为你的行为找适当的理由。
我做的真的够了，我不会再踏出那一步了。
如果一起经历过的不值得你惋惜，我真无话可说了。 

欢笑背后藏着不舍，
倔强中藏着柔弱，
沉默中带着千言万语..  　 



累了，也泪了。

I hate you to just ignore and don't bother to explain.
I hate you for letting go our friendship just because you think this is only fair to him.
What about me? 
I hate myself for clinging onto past memories when you're so determined to leave.
I hate to be the understanding and mature angela you thought all along.
I hate all these!!!!
 
ARGH!!!!!

这一幕勾起了回忆、掏出了当时的情感。

这回你又怎么了。
是否知道我过得也不怎么样．．

在不怎么样的时候我还能慰问，你可否知道我有多珍惜。

我累了，我想对你说但你似乎不愿聆听。
这份友谊到底是以什么样的形态来维持？　
我真的搞不懂，我真的想知道。　

我依然随你，我依然会保持沉默．．

这难道是你选择道别的形式？　
你一定会说我想太多了。
或许吧。
我不理解但你何尝也不是一样．．




这样放手或许也不错．．
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

另一个你令我烦恼。
对我的好我都知道、心领。
但我怎能背叛自己的感觉去接受一个我没感觉的人呢？
这样我视为欺骗、利用。
这不是我的作风。

好像也只能说声对不起。

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将近三个星期的考试在明天将告个段落。
 
感觉是: It worth a smile but not a laugh.

Feeling panicky and uncertain. sucks i know.. sigh..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

乱、超乱。




定，我需要你。

Getting irritated. It's the first time i spent so so long and still cant find a picture of my liking. And eventually i set for this. im tired. 
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People say life has its high and low. 
yes, it went up. and now it came down. n further down. 
where's the bottom, tell me.?  
when will i pass that equilibrium and reaches for that next maximum? 

Clash, clashes, and they clashes again and again. 
thoughts of different forms just keep clashing in my mind and just feel very very vexed. 
damn it. 

It has been so long since i sit on a swing. will it still be able to hold my weight i wonder. 
and who will be sitting next to mine swinging along... 

it just dont get any better. 

what are you thinking exactly? 

argh.

Feeling: emptiness towards sadness.

Colour: Grey towards dark grey 

Things don't seem/feel the way it should be. Millions of questions unanswered due to perhaps angela being petty and can't put down that ego of her. And the thought of separation and living in memories scares her very much. 

Random evaluation: Too close brings people too far. 

When we first met and attracts, we'll be curious of each other and find ways to know more about each other, to get closer.
 
When we communicate and interact, we realise we're of similar frequency and we enjoys each other's company pretty much. This is the nicest/sweetest period as we're nice, sincere and treat each other with care and sensitivity. 

When we're one step further, meaning we share secrets and sorrows, we started to have that reliance on each other. which is also the start of an end. 

We began to have higher expectation from that particular person. And when he/she fails to deliver, we starts to wonder why. We try to find excuses to cover up for one's action, believing this is the only time. Disappointment replaced excuses, slowly, we began to drift apart..   
 
Why is this happening?

Well, sadly, it's human's nature. We always seek after that particular new and fresh feeling. Just like as kid, we always prefer newer toys. As teens, we always wanted the latest gadget. We find them amusing, entertaining. When we have them and finished exploring their functions, a newer one please.

But sometimes when one realises this latest one i have is incomparable to the last, it's too late. too late you know.?  the previous one might alr be in the dustbin in your hse, in the rubbish chute in your block, in that piles of rubbish waiting to be burn..

Now what?  what's next? 

Letting go. What else?  To run after it hoping i will find it back? Pointless isn't it? As i always say "如果要等到说出口，那就真的没意思了，不是吗？" Perhaps is this stupid principle of angela's that makes her fails to see how situation may turns out otherwise if using a different approach. Stubborn she is. always thinking that she has given the person sufficient chances and excuses before she chose this route but she might have overlook the fact that the person seriously and really didn't know or feel. but isn't it really dumb? can't imagine it even.  

The forgotten.

The forgotten beauty.
The forgotten appreciation.
The forgotten respect.

Beauty is radiant smiles, sincerity in your eyes.
Appreciation is being thoughtful , be it the slightest gesture or courtesy of saying thank you and im sorry.
Respect is when you thought about my feeling and leave some pride for me.

Have you subconsciously forgotten about the forgotten.? 
And yes, the 3 forgotten are things that you've forgotten which i expect from you but you disappoint me instead. 

It really isnt asking too much. just a little more sensitive and proactive. Put down that ego-ness and assumptions of yours. I'll not say but will just gradually drift away. By then, there's probably nothing you could do..

Disappointed.
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rejection letter from ntu today and appealed. sim acceptance given but nah. 
moodless. 

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 Your word of encouragement gives me the energy to push myself on.
Your smiles gives me the comfort i need.
Your faith in me makes me strive hard to achieve.
Your support gives me the courage to face what's beyond bravely.

I meant what I said, though these lines sound cliche.
thanks friends and family.

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'No boundaries'

---------------------------------

I misses you.